My friends, the jerkform revolution has begun. And it comes to you in the form of….
Those of you not familiar with American Jerkform (catchphrase: “There’s no negotiating with bees.”*) may wish to read the original manifesto. Simply know that jerkform is for everyone and no one. It loves babies and alligators, sometimes together. And when the moon is full and the scent of jasmine fills the air, or when the bird is upon the wing and the sun beams with all the beatific perfection of Steve Buscemi, simply whisper its name onto the wind, and a swarm of bees will sweep down and render justice upon you.
Jerkform is not meant to be played, it’s meant to be smeared all over your body, like poisonous berries, or stared at intently until one of you spontaneously combusts. Seriously, do not attempt to play jerkform.
Here is a new collection of games written by about fifteen people, working singly or in groups.
LONDON BURNING by Sex and Bullets
Burn yourself with a cigarette. Tell the cigarette how it feels.
HAUNTED BY BEES: An American Jerkform/Beeffor LARP by Terry Romero
You’re trapped (as in actually locked into for a week) in a post-apocalyptic warehouse on the edge of town populated by hungry slow moving zombies and even hungrier freegans. Each team of two and a half people gets a 10 hour supply of extra spicy jerky and 5 hour energy drink.
You must defend your turf and loved ones and crap armed ONLY WITH BEES. Throw some actual f***ing bees! They can be real live bees, handfuls of dead bees, or a sock full of d4s.
- If you’re hit with one bee you die.
- Two bees, you die in real life.
- Three bees, you die and come back as an emo ghost.
- Eat all the bees, and you become the Beelzebub.
Last player standing marries Beelzebub, then breaks it off due to overwhelming guilt of being responsible for the death of thousands of bees.
There is no bleed in this game because you have chosen in real life the most dangerous game of all!
THE NORDIC LARP COLLECTIBLE CARD GAME by James Stuart
Each lovingly hand-painted card contains the image of a Nordic larpwright, a catch phrase, and a function (+3 bleed, +2 theory burn!, +5 historical accuracy). Gotta catch ‘em all!
THE RULE OF PHILOSOPHY CLASSES by Lizzie
Just like every party has a pooper, every philosophy class has an a**hole. Sometimes, it’s you. Deal with it.
FAT MAN SITTING DOWN by George
A game for 11 GMs, and a large ensemble of furniture.
The largest chair in the room — preferably a sofa if one is available — is the fat man. Arrange all the side tables and chairs in the room in a circle around the fat man. Tell everyone there is a fire extinguisher.
The GMs form a circle around the furniture and yell at it, forcing it to be meaner to the sofa. The game ends when a dining room chair breaks and sets the sofa on fire.
If anyone asks about the fire extinguisher, laugh maniacally.
FAT MAN DONUT by James Greenan and Sara W.
The largest member of your gaming circle is assigned the job of “driver.” He drives you an hour from home to a discreet artisanal donut shop in Brooklyn. There is no parking. Fat Man Donut must sit in the car while the rest of your party enjoys donuts from behind a plate glass window. Once donuts are consumed, Fat Man Donut is told how he feels by each donut-eating individual.
Actual play report: We’re now at the idling part of Fat Man Donut. This game sucks, I wish there were more bees. — The Fat Man
WE MUST IMAGINE SISYPHUS HAPPY by Lizzie
Mention X. Try to convince Y you haven’t just insulted them. Pick up a bronze statue of Foucault and beat the opposition with it.
There are many play sets. Post them in the comments.
GAME THEORY THUNDERDOME by Sex and Bullets
Two game designers enter. One interpretation of GNS theory and/or the “magic circle” leaves. Flamethrowers.
MAGRITTE by Megan J.
Put some props on a table.
TALKING STICK by Sex and Bullets
Agree to use a talking stick. But who gets it first? Whoever yells the loudest.
ANGSTY HANDF*** by Graham
You are attracted to various people. While you work out who you are in a relationship with, rub hands with them and pretend to have sex.
NOIR by Joanna Charambura
Sit in a dark room until one of you decides to switch the light on.
UNIVERSAL BLEED MECHANIC #2** by Sex and Bullets
MANIFEST THIS MOFO by Bryant Johnson
1: Walk into a room where people are larping; preferably something introspective or foreign. (Listen at the door; if you hear the word “bleed” and it isn’t preceded by the phrase “stabbed in the stomach with a scimitar” you’re probably in the right place.)
2: Kick over a table, or a chair, or someone with small fashionable glasses.
3: Yell “MANIFEST DESTINY!” as loudly as you can. (You may also help yourself to any drinks you spot.)
4: Repeat. (I find conventions work best for this.)
5: Skip any attempt at a debrief. You need to let that s*** simmer.
FORTHCOMING JERKFORM GAMES
Manic Pixie Dream Girl Prostitute by Sara W.
Catch Me if You Can: A child’s first story Christmas story with cannibalism by Terry Romero
*We know this first-hand thanks to cohort A.A. George, who was once attacked by a swarm of bees, thus proving that there is no negotiating with bees — only screaming. Seriously. Buy M- George a beer sometime — a bee attack renders you in permanent need of sympathetic beers — and ask to hear the story. And the audio.
** We’ve recently learned that game designer JR Blackwell has previously designed a game that employs this mechanic.